'Lo. Here's how I'm going to do this.
In honor of giving the Blackboxx a brand new look and rebranding, I've decided to start it over, in a way. The Blackboxx was formed, what, seven years ago, and, fuck. So much has changed since then...
And none of it good.
So. Some of my old entries from 2014 - 2020 will be hidden and rewritten. I was a...very angry person, once. Now, I'm not so angry. Just...tired.
In any case...
'Lo. My name is Mar and I am a pre-transition transmasculine man. I am currently 28 years old, severely neurotic, clinically depressed as fuck, and I have been so for over a decade. I've had suicidal ideation for just as long, and yes, I do take medication for it, but a lot of good fucking help that has been...
What I suppose matters to most people is that I'm alive, I imagine. Be happy?
This is an extremely tedious, neurotic blog, and it's uncouth at best. You will also come to know I happen to sound what most people call "arrogant", but I am so tired of that bullshit that I don't care. This is just how I am and I make it known when and why I think something is worth the ridicule I give it.
I consider myself a devious, diverse, daring individual. A word and world-weaver, a weird, wondrous mind, and a piece of absolute shit all at once. Life is good.
Once, I covered topics according to three "categories" of usernames but now that I am accepting myself as I am, I'm just going to write. I may bring back the old entry logs, but we'll see. Those were fun.
Brief FAQ
• What's with the name?
Mareoquine. The name has a history. I was once a puppet. A marionette.
❝I lived more than eighteen years of my life blinded by a so-called light, the "light" of Islam, I didn't and still don't fully understand. I was a puppet once, as many of us were, listening to the whims of my elders, told what to do and how and when I should do it.
For many agonizing years, I wanted to cut my strings, yet never knew how or was too terrorized to do so because of what I had been told since infancy. In honor of that suffering, I once called myself Mareonet. I had spent more than eight years dying inside, lost within myself, and tread the lines between fully suicidal and darkly misanthropic.❞
—Mar Qaroll, via The Maggoty Textbook
The -quine suffix, commonly seen at the end of drug names, is from my acceptance that my attachment and interest in "dark stuff" is kinda addictive. It is also sinful, according to what I've been raised to believe...
Hence, Mareoquine. The Sinful Drug.
• Why the URL style and application suffix?
That's a little quirk I've had for years now from my love of computers and such. Nothing more.
I congratulate you on getting this far.
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