God is an Asshole

Dear God who is a construct,

Why are you an asshole?

Humans revere your name,

Your "kingdom come",

Your will, rarely questioned—

Supposedly on Earth, but is there even a Heaven?

I give today a piece of my mind,

And have no sins I want forgiven

Unlike the "sins" committed by you

That destroy us in our times of trial,

And which created humankind's evil

For humans know not if your existence is true,

Now and forever, until death betrays us

 Fuck you, too.

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...Where, oh, where to begin...?

Hmm hmm hmm...

If god...a god...gods...goddesses...whatever—in this particular vent, since I opened with an Abrahamic, monotheistic prayer, I may as well focus on a God. If God exists..."he" is an asshole. I have been saying this for years. Now hear me out, my reasons may not seem so far-fetched.

Firstly, humans are assholes, as well, for they know not for sure if god or the afterlives even truly, really exist. There is no concrete proof. In the olden days, thousands of years ago, it seemed easier to believe in something. So many miracles occurred, according to the Abrahamic religions. How could anyone not believe what they believe in, at the time? The proof was right there! Or so the stories go.

Following this, why is it that people so firmly believe something to the point that they would willingly kill themselves and/or other people in the name of something they only believe to be true, but cannot prove is true? This sounds more like something that they would keep private, to themselves, and revere in the privacy of their home, or what have you.

I believe God should have kept going with those damned miracles. Maybe we'd live in a much different world than the one we're stuck in, now, and maybe so many people wouldn't die in the name of religion. And I mean real miracles, like the ones told in stories. Seas splitting by the touch of a cane-level miracles, damn it.

Secondly, without these miracles, people somehow kept on making up or finding ways to remake/transform/reinvent/invent religions. To many, because of this and other reasons, religion has become something of a joke, and I completely understand where they are coming from; oftentimes, I think the same thing. When does it stop? When will it end? Why does it need to be? You come into the world learning about all of these things...and you have to choose? Why the fuck?

Following these...inventions...well, of course, this wonderfully fucked-up thing called proselytizing came into existence, and that is when people started dying.

...Oh, I'm sorry, that was happening, anyway, wasn't it? This proselytizing bullshit.

The main bane of human existence: proselytizing.

Long idea shortened: if people stopped trying to convert every. fucking. body to "their" religion, the "true" religion (because doesn't everyone think that about the religion they follow), the world would be a much better place! Wars! Homicide! No! Hello??

Of course, these religions are at fault, as well—regardless of who or what the hell-ever created them. How many conflicts, no matter how big or small, and deaths were caused just because some holy-scripture thumper came about and screamed at how x person and y people were wrong, evil? Needed to die? Should die? Be killed? Warranted? Deserved? EVIL? If the books, perhaps, were worded differently—or even better, if whatever deity ordained these books to their messengers made the bleeding books easier to understand throughout all ages, without room for misunderstanding, without various, confusing interpretations—imagine how many witch-hunts would have been avoided. Figuratively and literally, damn it.

—Or something, damn it all. So many people point to the scriptures and say they are what messes everyone up.

Speaking of books, let's talk about the messages in these scriptures and what the hell it does and can do to people.

Simply put: it fucks them right the hell up, in the head.

From personal experience, I can tell you reading a certain Abrahamic religion's various scriptures and reading about the religious stories messed me up in all sorts of ways that I am still recovering from, today. It's left me bitter, angry, depressed, and entirely fucked up. I don't know what to believe, anymore.

Let's talk about two relevant topics, for example.

...So you mean to tell me someone is going to go to hell just because they love someone? God, damnit, you of all people should know humans need to stop procreating so bleeding much, if it's a question of "because you're not having sex for offspring". No one's hurting anyone! No one's dying because a man kissed a man! No one's losing their hair because a woman kissed a woman! What is happening is that these religious scriptures against such relationships have these same people being murdered and killed and committing suicide because their lives were/are living hells because they loved a person. Or are not "living hells" because. You know. They're fucking dead, now.

...So you mean to tell me someone is going to go to hell because they dress and/or act like the stereotype of the opposite sex? Consider themselves the opposite of what they were born as? Who the hell came up with that brilliant rule? Again, no one is being hurt! No one is dying! Except, of course, because they were killed by some asshole with religious scripture and/or structured social norms infesting their grey matter.

Ah, these good ol' Abrahamic religions, I tell you...

What does it do, to commit these atrocities against innocent people? What sick, fucked-up creator would allow for such a thing? Mindless, senseless...truly unwarranted violence? There is no livable way I could follow any religion that so much as says a bad word about anything like this. And don't get me started about race inequality and gender.

Humans only have their ideals. Nothing more. Ideals. That these people are going here, will have this punishment, will taste Hell—whatever the fuck Hell is—and these people are going there, to Heaven—whatever shite that is.

Humans only continue to proselytize, causing more conflict, more struggles, more needless "trials", when all humankind has to do is leave everyone else the fuck alone if they want nothing to do with their beliefs and lifestyles.

Humans only continue to stubbornly hold on to their beliefs as true for all, when there is no concrete evidence of such thing for any religion.

...Except maybe several Pagan religions. They've been onto something concrete since forever...

...Maybe the world should be Pagan...

So. Why is God an asshole?

Because he lets this nonsense happen. Looks down at us, no doubt, laughing at how stupid and...oh, I don't know...human we are. So pathetically human. Selfish and sheep-like.

Because he allows people to believe they are bad, evil, wrong...for simply existing. That, I cannot forgive. That, I cannot believe. That, I cannot follow. I will not stoop so low into believing I am doomed for eternal punishment just because of the way I am, the way I was born as. No one should have to so much as consider that wretched ideal.

Because, in the end...he allows good people to suffer, not just from external turmoil, but internal turmoil. They are their enemy. They are their Devil.

...And speaking of that ol' bas...

I don't believe in the Devil. Please.

I am the Devil, as far as I'm concerned.

"The Devil" is just another construct, some form of blame people put for their actions, when it's them.

They are their Devil, as I am for myself.

But guess what?

I am me.

I am human, defective.

I've had many chances to commit suicide—heh, God knows how many times I've stood waiting for the oncoming train and considered jumping in front of it. God knows how many times I've stood with a blade at my wrist—vertically, not horizontally. And God knows I could have overdosed on my medication on a damned daily basis.

And you know what the sad part is?

I have only not taken my life because I'm afraid. Afraid that...perhaps...maybe...what if...there is a Hell? What if people who take their lives go there, after all? Though for over a decade, now, I've resigned my fate to end in Hell, I sure don't want to give myself a one-way ticket, either. All because of "if".

And so.

This is why God, if he exists...is a penultimate asshole.